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10.04.2022
After completing your school studies, you can continue on to university or look for employment. If you decide to go on with your education, your personal statement will be your ticket to receiving the study place you want. What’s more, even if you already have years of work experience behind your shoulders, a personal statement will remain a powerful tool in your job search.
In this guide, we will look at a sample personal statement and find out what can be done to perfect it. We will also show you examples of what can ruin the impression about you for the person reading your cover letter.
Typical Health and Social Care Personal Statement Examples
First, let’s start by taking a look at a typical personal statement a university admissions committee receives from the applicants, written by Angela:
Dear Sir or Madam,
My name is Angela Thompson, and I am currently finishing my senior year of high school in Los Angeles. I am applying to the University of Washington for the Health and Social Care program, as my biggest dream is to become a support worker at NHS.
Here is some information about me: I am an 18 years old student passionate about receiving a profession in health care. I have managed to maintain a great academic standing throughout my high school years while participating in a variety of social activities.
The University of Washington is my first choice when it comes to receiving a qualification that will prepare me for working relationships in the healthcare sphere, as its reputation speaks for itself. Besides, it offers a vast selection of specialization opportunities for students, which is definitely a plus for me.
I am an active, sociable, and empathic person. In my spare time, I love watching healthcare-related TED talks and interviews with outstanding people talking about society's problems. To me, studying is the most productive way to spend my free time. I am ready for all the hard work that needs to be done in order to become a qualified healthcare professional.
Thank you for your time and attention,
Angela Thompson
Such a personal statement is something hundreds and even thousands of young people across the country submit to educational institutions throughout their application process. However, there are several major issues with this example because it does not:
- stand out among others
- offer enough details about the author
- focus on subject-related achievements
- specify the applicant’s future plans
Despite the lack of such information, this letter can be upgraded to a personal statement that will not miss the attention of the admissions committee. Read on to find out how!
Tips to Upgrade a Mediocre Personal Statement
To be completely fair, let’s highlight the good things about Angela’s personal statement:
- it is focusing on the healthcare sphere
- it follows a clear, logical structure: intro, background, motivation, personal traits and skills
- it shows that the person is result-oriented
Knowing the advantages and downsides of this letter, it will be easier to fix and improve it. Here is a list of our suggestions on how to upgrade this personal statement in three easy steps:
Making the Introduction Engaging
Telling everything about yourself in the introduction may seem logical, but make sure you balance this information out with something the reader will remember. For instance, it can be a joke or an unusual fact about you. Here is a sample of a great intro:
Dear Sir or Madam,
My name is Angela Thompson, and I am applying to the Health and Social Care program at the University of Washington. My biggest dream is to do social work on a professional level. I have found this passion during my high school years (“right about time”, as my parents say) when doing voluntary work as a part of my school project. My teammates and I were raising awareness about the mental health issues of domestic violence victims and collecting funds for their support and treatment. It was a win-win situation, as I not only managed to help the local community and figured out what I want to do in life but also got into the Guinness Book of World Records together with my teammates, as the largest school-based volunteering program.
This sample demonstrates a personal statement introduction that makes the applicant wishing to become a social worker stand out due to an unusual story and a sprinkle of humor. Besides, the assessor can understand that the applicant has successful experience in teamwork and is passionate about the field of studies.
An introduction that is uninformative and too short will not hook the reader and can only be taken as an anti example.
Be as Specific as Possible
Having a well-structured personal statement is not enough if the information you provide in it is vague. In the example, the student writes:
- “receiving a health care profession”
- “a variety of social activities”
- “which is definitely a plus for me”
- “talking about society's problems”
All these statements are really indefinite and could be written by anyone. Make them personal! For example:
- “Receiving a healthcare profession in midwifery is my biggest desire, because…”
- “I am a peer tutor, head of the student council, and take part in local charities, such as…”
- “I appreciate the variety of specializations available at Newcastle University because I am yet to decide whether I want to focus on the childcare or mental health sphere.”
- “I am deeply concerned about society’s problems, such as vaccination shortage and the availability of care homes. My family and I have faced these issues during our immigration process.”
Once you are sure that your personal statement reflects who you really are and contains all subject-related achievements you wish to share, you can move on to the conclusion.
Writing a Memorable Conclusion
The conclusion you’ve read in the personal statement example is alright. The author writes about notable skills and spending spare time. However, you can do it better by listing them in connection with your spheres of interest. For example:
I believe I would be a good addition to the Health and Social Care program offered by Washington University, as I possess skills that are crucial for carers, such as time management, leadership, responsibility, and empathy. Throughout my volunteering experience, I have learned that a healthcare professional should be multitasking and organized at all times. I don’t panic even when working under pressure, which is yet another valuable quality for the career I wish to pursue. I also have strong communication skills, which will be helpful when assisting health care service users with special needs.
I would be more than grateful if you considered me as a worthy candidate,
Thank you for your time and attention,
Angela Thompson
We highly recommend avoiding the usage of cliche phrases and quotes, as the university representatives want to hear what you specifically have to say.
A Brilliant Health and Social Care Personal Statement Is One Step Away
Now you know how to improve your personal statement and get that study place you’re aiming for! However, if you are running short on time or you are still not sure what exactly to write, it is better not to risk blowing your chance.
Experts at Studybay have years of successful experience writing masterful personal statements, essays, cover letters, and other texts that get applicants into higher education institutes. Our written works are plagiarism-free and tailored to your needs. Do not hesitate to reach out and order the work, and best of luck with your application process!
