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Should school students work partime

I left the attached and my teacher left comments can you please fix it by looking at my teacher comments she left
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Assignment ID
34699
Discipline
Type
CREATED ON
July 12, 2016
COMPLETED ON
July 13, 2016
Price
$30
This order has already been completed on Studybay
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Latest reviews for canberra7
melodys3723
November 21, 2016
melodys3723
Great work from this writer
melodys3723
November 17, 2016
melodys3723
Great work from this writer
melodys3723
November 13, 2016
melodys3723
Great writer