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Should school students work partime

I left the attached and my teacher left comments can you please fix it by looking at my teacher comments she left
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Assignment ID
34699
Type
CREATED ON
12 July 2016
COMPLETED ON
13 July 2016
Price
$30
This order has already been completed on Studybay
On Studybay you can order your academic assignment from one of our 45000 professional writers. Hire your writer directly, without overpaying for agencies and affiliates!
Check price for your Essay
Latest reviews for WriterT
drewffire4
20 October 2017
drewffire4
Great Job Thank you
HumphreyWang
20 October 2017
HumphreyWang
good job.
karsten.nick78
20 October 2017
karsten.nick78
One of the best writers ive come across on this site. There was a strict deadline and a lot of requirements and the writer had no problems getting my assignment done. Thanks again!