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Should school students work partime

I left the attached and my teacher left comments can you please fix it by looking at my teacher comments she left
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Assignment ID
34699
Discipline
Type
CREATED ON
July 12, 2016
COMPLETED ON
July 13, 2016
Price
$30
This order has already been completed on Studybay
On Studybay you can order your academic assignment from one of our 45000 professional writers. Hire your writer directly, without overpaying for agencies and affiliates!
Check price for your Essay
Latest reviews for GladysSam
hnrolo9050
March 26, 2017
hnrolo9050
Great piece of work. Recommend her strongly.
mariali67887
March 24, 2017
mariali67887
she is a amazing writer
rein1433
March 23, 2017
rein1433
great work