Editing designated parts(red lined)-300words, Due 2hours

This is for editing the appointed paragraph and sentences to make those fit the context of the whole statement. In terms of vocabulary and grammar structure, I also want it to be highly advanced; should be a composition of conciseness, denseness, and clearness. And of course, reiteration of vocabulary or incongruity between the contents should not exist. If any, please kindly have it modified. (In this regard, please examine the whole parts; this is why I put this as a 2-page work.)