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As I grumbled and griped about using an honors band rehersal only hours prior to the concert - as I complained about the growing callus on my head, about the homosexual kid with the neckstrap who had been first chair clarinet, since I lamented the truth I could NEVER play with this music, that I would not get any better at that small practice, so WHY hassle- my uncle killed himself. In the cellar of his very own house at that, using a gun. His two little girls and husband left him , and he took his own life. In the memorial, our pastor spoke of God, of even "Jesus wept" at a friend's death (excuse my ignorance, I know not much of religion.) . He explained that he understood we had been angry, he knew we would harbor hate and for quite a long time, that we'd always struggle to understand what happened. I was fine until there. Because I had never really thought about it. I hadn't grieved, I had not cried, I was not even able to find a friend to cry to. It's our new dark family secret. A promising, handsome, charming young man, with two lovely daughters, a third about the wa...