Posted at 10.14.2018
The classification of loss often means absolutely anything to anyone, depending on the person and their situation. However, Personally, i define and perceive reduction as a change. Change can be healthy and essential. But every now and then it can harmed, and we can at times refuse to acknowledge it. I have personally gone through a personal loss experience and it was difficult, painful and hard to acknowledge. As I now think about my personal reduction experience, I am able to identify all of the factors that influenced my experience of loss. In this article, I will provide an introduction of a relevant model of damage and its description of terms. A brief description of my loss will be provided, like the primary and extra losses involved. I am going to present a talk of two different theories of, and methods to loss. I will identify the similarities and contrasts between the two theoretical positions. Also to conclude, I am going to identify and quickly explore my related social, spiritual, and religious rights and exactly how these affected my own reduction experience.
The personal damage I experienced was the immediate death of my beloved cousin. My cousin, Juan, was the typical 22 season old male who was adventures, rebellious, sweet natured and the type of guy who acquired dreams and aspirations for his future. However in 1998, his dreams arrived to a finish when he was killed in a vehicle accident, getting rid of him instantly. His unexpected death sent impact waves around my children, and then the gloomy clouds started out to filter the sun inside our lives.
With the unexpected death of my cousin, there where most important and secondary factors involved that affected my connection with loss. , the burkha loss is the loss of a loved one to fatality by any cause (Archer, 1999). The principal reduction was evidently the fatality of my cousin, who was killed in a sudden car accident. A secondary damage however, is the consequences of loss of someone you care about, e. g. , a camaraderie (McLeod, 1999). I experienced various secondary losses when my cousin passed away. The first one is the increased loss of a friend, not only was he my cousin but someone who I found funny and interesting. The increased loss of dreams for the future I had with my cousin, signifying I wanted to see him develop up and begin a family group. I also experience pain on special incidents, such as his birthday, Holiday, weddings and holiday seasons. Nowadays are forever difficult because his occurrence is not absent; therefore I've lost a feeling of enjoyment for these special events, predominantly his birthday.
I feel since the day of his death that his family and my family have grown apart, due to the pain, so a sense of family bonding and closeness was lost. After my cousins' death, I started to question my religion and beliefs in God. I had been so furious and filled with hate, i was questioning God why he took my cousin away. I possibly could not realize why he passed on, and from that day I really believe I lost my beliefs in God. Because of my cousins death there is a sense of trauma in me, signifying whenever I see a truck or after i am in an automobile it gives me anxiety, as it reminds me of my cousins' dreadful incident. Also, whenever I see or listen to about a car accident it startles me and I alleviate the pain of when my cousin passed on. As a result, I no more see a car as an automobile or a vehicle as a pick up truck; instead I see them as murderers who got my cousin's life. These are are just some of the secondary losses I experienced because of whenever i lost my cousin.
There is a substantial model of loss that I can relate to my personal experience of when I lost my cousin. The model of loss is recognized as the 'passive model of reduction'. The passive model of reduction was created by Kubler-Ross (1980) and it illustrates how the bereaved individual goes by through a chain of stages from the principal experience of the loss, to the ultimate quality of grief. The phases of the model include great shock and denial; parting and pain; guilt and anger; sadness; last resolution and acceptance. Kubler-Ross (1980) suggests that the person exceptional reduction is regularly in circumstances of distress after first reading the news of reduction and sometimes they may refuse that the situation has occurred. The result of separation and pain may possibly naturally surge as the truth of losing is realized. The average person could also have a feeling of guilt or anger, and in time they might be reinstated with sorrow or despair. Finally, for many people losing will finally be accepted or settled.
Just like the unaggressive model of damage, when I then found out that my cousin was killed in a vehicle accident, a tidal influx of emotions started to drown me. My first first effect and response was shock and denial, followed by immense pain. Over time, the pain converted into anger and slowly and gradually it transformed in to sadness and major depression. For some time I was 'jammed' at a particular level, that being the stage of sadness. I had been overcome with major depression for a time period because the reality of situation was overpowering. Although the sadness is still beside me, I arrived to a feeling of acceptance in the long run that my cousin has passed on. Therefore, I was able to move on another stage, the previous stage being approval.
The two ideas of, and approaches to loss, that I really believe are relevant to me are John Bowlby's four-phase procedure for grief and Elisabeth Kubler-Ross's five stages of reduction. Bowlby (1980) shows that when an individual is being segregated from an attachment bond amount, such as lover, pets, siblings and parents; they go by having a four-phase procedure for grief. Bowlby includes symbolic deficits as well as health, children, roles, function, and home.
The first phase is known as Numbing. This is defined as the initial amount of denial, and it can last for a tiny number of days to lots of weeks. The grieving specific may appear to be doing "perfectly" during this time period because they don't grieve externally (Bowlby, 1980). In relation to my experience, this was the truth when I then found out that my cousin acquired died. I travelled directly into a shutdown method and I was at denial that my cousin experienced died.
The second stage is known as Yearning and Searching. That is when the grieving specific endeavors to recuperate the person or other loss object. This is recognized as "attachment behavior". The average person in sorrow encounters anguish and anxiousness as they seek contact by phoning out the name of the individual who has died, wearing components of clothing that belonged to the deceased and so forth (Goldman, 2002). With regards to my experience, this was the case whenever i started using my cousin's clothing and hoping that he'd keep coming back.
The third stage is known as Disorganization and Despair. This is the stage where in fact the person in mourning acknowledges that the inactive person is never coming back. Emotions of exhaustion, misery and laziness are normal in the person grieving (Bowlby, 1980). With regards to my experience, this is exactly what exactly happened. Once I could acknowledge that my cousin was never coming back, emotions of despair heightened and I was not determined to do anything.
The final level is known as Reorganization. Bowlby (1980) shows that this is actually the phase when the average person establishes a new classification of home. The mourner creates new means of thoughts, sense, and acting. With regards to my experience, I started to question my beliefs in God, asking "Who am I now?" and "What do I now believe in?". New patterns in my attitudes and actions started to alter, and I viewed life in a fresh perspective.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross (1969) shows that there are five phases of reduction, and that these stages have emerged as the five behaviours a mourner will illustrate over a period of time. The five phases include Shock and denial; Anger; Bargaining; Unhappiness; and the fifth level being Acceptance. The first level is recognized as Great shock and Denial. Impact and denial are common immediately after the individual has found out about the increased loss of a loved one. As mentioned in the unaggressive model of damage, this was the behaviour I demonstrated once I found out that my cousin experienced died. I got in utter impact when my sister broke the news headlines to me, as well as for a little while I got in denial about his loss of life.
Stage two is known as Anger. The individual in mourning will act and share their anger in various ways. This is an obvious behaviour I shown while I was in mourning. I was very angry in what had took place to my cousin and the feelings of resentment, bitterness and hostility had grown up, especially towards my cousin's friend who was the drivers of the automobile.
Stage three is recognized as Bargaining, and this is when the average person seeks an expansion of time or at least liberty from heart-ache and pain (Kubler-Ross, 1969). Stage four is known as the Depression level. That is when the individual goes through a deep depressive disorder, and feelings of great sadness is visible in the behavior of the mourner or the individual terminally ill. I associate very much to the stage as i lost my cousin, I got very depressed and started to withdraw from everything. I went through a stage of self representation and sadness.
The fifth and last stage is known as Acceptance. That is when the individual in mourning may psychologically admit the inevitable reality of the situation whilst at exactly the same time remaining miserable and irritated. As I've explained before in the passive model of reduction, this is the behavior I confirmed. Although with time I could accept the truth of the truth, I still however was depressed.
Studying the two ideas by Bowlby and Kubler-Ross, I could identify similarities and contrasts between the two theories. I've found that similarly the ideas are in a few form in regards to a damage, and are dispensed out in various stages or stages. The two ideas together look at individuals behaviours and actions through a particular loss, similar thoughts outlined included great shock, denial, popularity and depression. In addition to the similarities, I could identify more differences than similarities. Personally i think that Bowlby concentrates more on attachment theory, and looks more at symbolic deficits as well as lack of children, health, function, jobs, and home. Kubler-Ross's theory I feel is more about the explanations of recognized behaviours and feelings. I also feel that Bowlby's theory is concentrating more on the human cognitively thinking design, rather than the feelings in Kubler-Ross's five stages of damage. Kubler-Ross's theory is more about reduction, while Bowlby's theory is more about parting and attachment. Also, one theory obviously contains five stages, as the other has four phases.
My connection with loss is greatly inspired by my cultural, spiritual and religious rituals and privileges. From the Hispanic qualifications, when someone dies it's the typical catholic mourning rituals that are generally utilized worldwide e. g. the funeral, prayers and burial. However, what sets my cultural approach to loss in addition to the world is that we celebrate the dead in Hispanic culture. The celebration is recognized as the Day of the Deceased (El Dia de los Muertos in Spanish). This commemoration of deceased family and ancestors is celebrated on November 1st (All Saints Day in Catholicism) in countries in central and SOUTH USA as well as in elements of Spain.
Hispanic day of the lifeless celebrations contain sessions to the grave sites of deceased members of the family; graves are cleaned out and ornamented with multicolored flowers (Gonzalez-Crussi, 1994). Making it through members of the family make offerings by means of refreshments, candles, food, and playthings for deceased children (Amado, 1999). Offerings also are left out inside your home as a way of attracting the spirits of the deceased. Celebrants likewise have on necklaces of shells so that they create clatter to entice the ancestors' spirits when they party. Most importantly, Dia de Muertas activities are somewhat jolly. This is a way for me and my family to cope and honor the souls of lifeless family members as well as continuing the important relationships pursuing their passing. These activities also give emphasis to the fact that death is not the end of life but relatively a new starting (Amado, 1999). Unfortunately, Australia this special event is not commonly practiced among Latino-Australians, as nearly all their deceased family member's graves are either back again at SOUTH USA or Spain.
In final result, by reflecting on my personal experience of loss I could identify the countless factors that inspired my experience. This is achieved by recognizing the primary and secondary losses; analyzing and relating Bowlby's and Kubler-Ross's theories to my damage experience; and integrating the passive model of damage to my reduction. Furthermore, by discovering my cultural, spiritual and religious rituals, I could see how these aspects influenced my connection with loss. On the whole, I consider that loss can either be a positive or negative change, and this it can be experienced by a person in a variety of manners.